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what to do if a gay guy hits on you

here’s the scenario…

I’m at the grocery store last week and notice a guy giving me “the look” …

then he wants to make small talk (noteworthy: we were not amongst the fruits and vegetables)…

my intial reaction is to be uncomfortable…

next, I want to scream at the top of my lungs “HEY, EVERYBODY, I’M NOT GAY!!” I don’t want there to be any doubt in case anyone who is someone happens to be within a 1/4 mile of the incident.

Has this ever happened to you? Guys, tell the truth!

what to do…

what we really need to do is get a grip and remember this what-to-do list:

  • The fact that a gay guy is attracted to you would be a compliment since gay guys are… well… attracted to attractive men. (Fortunately, God is really good at keeping my ego in check).
  • I can calmly let the dude know that I’m not interested. There is no need to let everyone else within earshot know anything. Making a scene out of it only reveals my own insecurities (yep, I have them, and fortunately my sexuality isn’t really one of them).
  • It’s not my place to judge others. Period. I’m supposed to emulate the love of Jesus in every circumstance, for everybody, and this one is no exception.
  • Taking the love of Jesus to the next level… maybe I could change the subject and actually have a conversation with this person? (what, right here, in broad daylight? Absolutely!). Now that’ getting my Jesus on!

Would it be difficult for you to show the love of Jesus for a gay person?

The Filter Theory: You say ping-pong, I think ??

I’ve got this theory that each of us has a series of filters in our brain (please humor me here if you think I’m just giving an old idea to posterity).

These filters, as I call them, are basically a sum of our past experiences combined with our heart.

The filters determine how we interpret information as it reaches our mind.

The filters can work for us… or against us.

The determining factor of how the filters work in our life is connected to our heart.

If our heart is not in the right place the filters in our mind are most likely not going to work for us.

Here’s an example… if you were to mention playing “ping-pong” and the first thought to cross my mind is landfill leachate obviously I may have something in my past that is making me go into a funk just by the thought of this game. I know, that’s a silly example (particularly since Gump loves ping-pong), but you get the picture… my filter is telling me that I should be repulsed by the back and forth motion of the ping-pong ball by the two ping-pong paddles… and while I may like the soothing chime of the ping-pong ball as it rattles off my paddle, I really am not all that excited about knocking the ball back over the net to you. Maybe it’s the back and forth… back and forth… monotony that sounds like Chinese water torture?

The Filter Theory is pretty simple: Our past experiences combined with our heart determine how we will react to a given stimuli. The stimulus is significant to the theory as there is probably an underlying reason for the adverse reaction.

Applying The Filter Theory to ping-pong… in this example, my heart is just not getting into this game of ping-pong. Now, maybe my filter issue is that I am just not into sharing my ping-pong ball… so I need to either (a) loosen up about this game, and accept that it’s just ping-pong, or (b) maybe we should simply try to enjoy another game altogether. In any event, I would need to work on my heart and my ping-pong issue.

Are there any “ping pong’s” in your life?

What actions have you taken in the past to try overcoming these ping-pong issues?

Coming Home: Linking the Heart, Mind and Soul

I’m writing today as a contributor to the Christian Writers Blog Chain. Our theme for this month is Coming Home. Christianwriters.com is an excellent place to network if you’re a Christian writer or author.

I wanted to share with you today my thoughts on the link between the Heart, Mind and Soul.

I used to think of the Heart, Mind and Soul as three separate components of our existence:

Heart is feeling… the place of our experiences and passions.

Mind is thinking… the place of our knowledge and wisdom.

Soul is identity… our very essence and that which defines our eternal presence… the part of us that moves from this life into the next… the soul is what we take with, or what takes us to God.

The Bible links the three together in The First and Greatest Commandment… Jesus said: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

So, indeed, the link starts with Love (because that’s what God is, right?)…

and, then, it seems the link is God.

and the verse says we should Love Him with everything we’ve got…

all of our heart…

all of our mind…

and all of our soul.

While I think of the Heart, Mind and Soul as the key components of our existence…

I think it’s what we learn through and in this life that is most relevant to the next…

and we learn through our experiences of the heart and mind…

and carry these with us through our soul to some application in the next.

We’re here in this life for just a short while, in comparison to eternity, but we have much to learn as we strive to advance our growing relationship with Jesus.

Deep deep down in our existence lie many things… our past… present… and our future hopes and dreams.

some of this stuff we share readily… and some of it we would rather lose… forget… let go… and so on…

Like most people, I have memories that I savor… some that I can call experience… and some that I have to keep in perspective.

Do you feel lost in the woods or are you trying to find your way? What is your passion, or the emphasis of your mental focus?

There are some days when I can be at perfect peace even when the world around me seems very chaotic, and others where I feel unsettled for no apparent reason.

Why?

Not really sure sometimes, but it seems to have a lot to do with this experience of being here and the development of our character…

it seems to have a lot to do with faith…

it seems to have a lot to do with trust…

and knowing that we are perfected by the Holy Spirit and His presence in us.

The connection, or link, and coming home…

it’s all about what we bring with us…

can we look back at this life and say that it’s filled with Fruit ?

What will you bring when you come home to Him?

Christian Writers Blog Chain

Making Myself Replaceable

Our production team leader at church got married recently. It was a beautiful wedding. Then came the honeymoon – what are we going to do without Kevin leading production for 2 Sundays in a row?

At church we hang our hat on “Making Myself Replaceable.” We’re a growing organization where thinking on your feet and change are the norm.

Making Myself Replaceable… in the corporate world, we used to call this delegating… now it’s all about empowering your team…

Teaching the people on the team everything there is to know so that anyone who follows in my footsteps can pick up where I left off and keep moving forward… then all the people grow right along with the organization.

Making Myself Replaceable… Kevin has done it at our church… we made out just fine in his absence… ONLY because he displays true leadership skills.

Is this an emphasis in your organization?

Will the people walking in your footsteps be able to pick up where you left off?

Showering God with Glory, Gracedrops and the Puddles of Blessings

prayers go up, blessings come down…
prayers go up, blessings come down…
prayers go up, blessings come down…

I know, sounds like a rain dance.

ask, seek, knock…
ask, seek, knock…
ask, seek, knock…

it’s really all just that easy…

prayers are being answered everywhere and that’s exciting!!

Some days the sky just seems to open up and drench us with His great love.

I’m thinkin’ being super soggy soaked is where it’s at (and to God goes the praise and Glory!)

One thing you can count on with absolute certainty is a shower of God’s Grace like rain whenever we repent, return to and follow Him. The people of Israel knew this well…

from Nehemiah 9:28-31 …

“But as soon as they were at rest, they again did what was evil in your sight. Then you abandoned them to the hand of their enemies so that they ruled over them. And when they cried out to you again, you heard from heaven, and in your compassion you delivered them time after time. You warned them to return to your law, but they became arrogant and disobeyed your commands. They sinned against your ordinances, by which a man will live if he obeys them. Stubbornly they turned their backs on you, became stiff-necked and refused to listen. For many years you were patient with them. By your Spirit you admonished them through your prophets. Yet they paid no attention, so you handed them over to the neighboring peoples. But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.”

Our God is a warm, loving, kind and compassionate sort… there with Puddles of Blessings for everyone who believes, faithfully follows Him, and simply asks… seeks… and knocks… and for that I’m very grateful and today wish to Shower Him with all the Glory :)

Blessings can come in all sizes, what do you have to be thankful for today?

Oh My Gullibility

The Royal Towers at Atlantis, The Bahamas

The very first time I worked in the Bahamas was several years ago at Atlantis during the construction of The Cove, the associated water park and an expansion of the Convention Center on the property. I was the hydrogeologist on the project, helping with the water supply needs for this significant expansion. It was an extremely valuable experience, one of the highlights of my career.

While working on the job site one of the workers was telling me about the construction of the original Atlantis structure, what we call The Royal Towers… and how they used bamboo scaffolding to put this massive structure together. I was amazed! I just sat there thinking what an incredible feat, and they accomplished it with Chinese engineers who brought with them these giant bamboo sticks that they lashed together with twine… my imagination went wild and I couldn’t wait to tell my friends back home about this.

I guess about a day later I realized that the guy was probably pulling my leg. I ran into him again and made a silly comment about it, and we shared a laugh. It was all good.

I’m stupid sometimes. My tender heart believes whatever people tell me, just as if it were the Gospel. I am very fortunate to have some really good friends that not only watch out for me, but that have also helped me understand how my gullibility is a considerable personal shortcoming as well as a sin. I am thankful for that.

“A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.” Proverbs 14:15

Wikipedia defines Gullibility as: “a failure of social intelligence in which a person is easily tricked or manipulated into an ill-advised course of action.”

While my example above was pretty harmless, gullible people are set up for disaster if someone comes along and (1) recognizes the shortcoming, and (2) takes advantage of the weakness by exploiting the gullible person.

Gullibility is essentially an act of trust, which is considered a positive trait. Trust only becomes an issue when we are foolish about it. We’re all susceptible to gullibility to some degree or another.

Many of the seemingly good ideas that I read about in preparation of this post seem very cynical to me, so I’m aware that because of my desire to keep my optimistic, loving nature and kind heart that I will have to be extra careful to avoid making foolish mistakes.

I came up with a few ideas on avoiding the pitfalls of gullibility:

  • Patience is extremely important… need to take time to ask questions, communicate openly, avoid assumptions and let situations play out before diving in head first.
  • Ambivalence is a telltale sign that there may be a problem… I know from experience that if I am having simultaneously conflicting feeling about a person or situation that I must slow down and take a closer look.
  • I have to learn from my mistakes… I’ve written recently about My Greatest Sin
  • My circle of close friends are extremely important… I need to seek the opinion of others who share my values and whom I know from experience that I can trust.
  • I must avoid temptations and other pitfalls of failing to follow God’s Word.
  • Most importantly, I have to stay connected to the Holy Spirit and follow God’s will or plan for my path. Regardless of my own agenda or desires, if He is sending me a message and I’m not listening there is surely big trouble on the horizon.

What advice could you give to someone who struggles with the issue of gullibility?

Judging Tiger’s Handicap

Tiger is working with a handicap these days. It is a pretty big one.

He missed the cut at the PGA Championship a couple of weeks ago. His game is off, so to say… having some health issues…

This comes at the heels of one of the largest careers in sports history.

The turning point?

From our perspective, the turning point was the wild ride through the yard in his SUV… and when the world found out about his extra-marital affairs.

but was that really it?

Tiger was living pretty large in the flesh for a long time before his public tumble took place. From the worldly perspective, he had it all… and then some more on top of that!

I really am not that up on Tiger’s situation mainly because I don’t really know Tiger. I had the pleasure of sharing a conversation and walking with and his father Earl for several holes during an early round of the TPC here in Ponte Vedra. That was several years ago. But I don’t know Tiger.

I could google his name, maybe check with some of my buddies that follow golf or work for the PGA Tour, or check out Tiger’s twitter feed and come up with a few factoids or the scuttlebutt about Tiger for your entertainment here… and we could then all make some sort of judgement of where he is with his life…

the only thing I can say with certainty is this:

Tiger is a man just the same as you and me…

and

From the public’s perspective, Tiger is working with a handicap.

I do like Tiger. I like him a lot. Not because of what happened in his marriage… that was a huge disaster! And his behavior was clearly unacceptable and is repulsive to me. The world loved this man before his fall. Many idolized him… me included. I have had other sports idols too… name the sport and I can rattle off my idol. I need to guard myself against this tendency.

I like Tiger because he is the stuff that stories of Biblical proportions are made of. Tiger’s story to date is sordid. I’m not sure that I would want him anywhere near my daughters. Would I like to see him at my church? Heck yea! He could even come to our mainstream service, sit in the middle, and feel the love. I would even sit with him!

Tiger is in the public eye and is judged to a different standard than other people. That’s sad. Comes with the territory you say? Hmmm, I’m thinkin’ that’s a bit misguided. So what does the Bible say, you might ask? I’ll have to come back to my thoughts on that one at another time…

Golf’s a game that requires talent, hard work and one that requires mental focus. So what’s changed in Tiger’s world of golf? He’ll always have the talent, and appears to be working hard at it, even through some health issues. Mental focus? I believe this goes down deeper into his “wholeness,” if you will. Again, I don’t really know Tiger but would have to imagine that mental focus breaks down when the deeper link between heart, mind and soul is not right.

My takeaway:

  • Tiger is simply another man living in a fallen world.
  • From the public’s eye, Tiger is now a man with a past… and lives with a handicap.
  • Tiger is the sort of story that has the potential to inspire others to Biblical proportions.

one question remains: Where will Tiger go from here?

I’m sincerely praying the very best for him, and hope that you will too.

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