Looking For Ways To Say Yes… And When We Have To Say No

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Looking For Ways To Say Yes… And When We Have To Say No

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Yes… No… and let’s not even throw in the good ole’ “maybe”

Are you a yes person? Do you have a hard time saying no to people when they ask you to help them, like maybe for a favor or for something that would require a commitment of your time? Maybe think of this decision as an investment, of sorts, in them (vs. you).

I have a really hard time telling people no. I feel guilty, and always seem to feel like I’m letting them down. I have even found myself overcommitted at times trying to please people when I should be focused on that which is most important. Yikes!

In many ways, I’m generally looking for ways to say yes. That’s most often a no brainer. Sometimes, though, I have to weigh this decision with saying no. So how do I know which way to go?

Objectively putting the “yes” vs. “no” decision in the proper context is helpful…

  • Am I being selfless… or selfish. Is it all about me? My desires and what I want? Am I doing this out of love for someone else… or will there be either a direct or indirect benefit to me. Tough… but telling questions.
  • Have I thought through what I’m being asked to do in the context of the 4 circles… in effect, I may have a different response to this Y or N question based on who is asking something of me. Yes, I need to give more to some folks than others. I don’t like that sometimes, but it is reality. Critically important, and I believe appropriate based on the bigger picture.

“Making the right yes / no decisions allows me to always be loving and real, yet maintain my integrity.” (Click to Tweet)

The bottom line:

Can I say yes and maintain the balance in life?

Can I say yes and still be me?

The reward: well, it’s called love. When we get this right, and we selflessly give generously, the resulting fulfillment is true inner joy.

The Q: Do you find yourself stopping to think sometimes when you have to make a yes or no decision? Anything particular about that thought process you can share?

Image courtesy of digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Carol Peterson

September 28, 2012at 1:43 am

I spend way too much time brainstorming ways to be helpful or kind to other people. I even keep a tally and make sure I do 3 things for others each day. BUT, lest anyone think I’m all filled up with mercy, you need to know that I stumble over the fact that I do it partly so people will like say, “oh, she’s so helpful,” rather than simply wanting to let Jesus get the total glory.

I do know that when I do something for someone and they don’t know it was me doing it, there is greater satisfaction. I’m trying to do more of that and less where I’ll be the focus. It makes me feel super sneaky in a good way; sort of a spiritual spy for God’s team.

    chris vonada

    September 28, 2012at 6:27 am

    lol… you are so funny Carol, and I always appreciate you being so authentic!

    Your comment made me think about a conversation that the SC and I had yesterday… that true, unconditional love and it’s acts lead to inner joy. Sounds like you’ve found this too being the “spiritual spy”


September 28, 2012at 2:19 pm

I can’t say no to mama…ooohh…no…lol…

I get ya.
God Bless!

    chris vonada

    September 28, 2012at 2:26 pm

    lol… Arny, you are too funny! Your wife has a handful, that’s about all I can say 🙂

Dan Black

October 1, 2012at 1:01 am

Being able to say no is essential. We say no to some things so we can say yes to those things that are alined with our purpose and passions. Good thoughts and reminder.

    chris vonada

    October 1, 2012at 7:39 am

    That’s a good way of looking at it Dan, cool!!

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