the tribe has spoken

The second season of Survivor I nearly applied. The application was printed out, my video for the submittal was in the making, and the deadline was on the radar screen. I was hooked on the TV show and thought it would be fun to participate. Now I’m not so sure about Survivor. Though I would try Wipe Out in a heartbeat!! While Survivor remains very popular in our culture, and I still watch it occasionally, I must admit I don’t see much in this show that would entice one to be a good Christian.

So I came up with an alternative reality show: “The Fruity 1″

The Fruity 1 would survive on this TV show by being the most like Jesus, as determined by how much they resemble the virtues described as “the fruit of the Spirit.”

The reward: Maybe a humongous mansion in Heaven, and for eternity, right down the street from Jesus’ crib.

Here’s how the contest might go…

Day 1: ok, so Probst (he’s cool so we’ll let him host this one too) starts them off with an easy one, a question… What’s the theme of the greatest commandment in the Law? Hint: It’s a 4-letter word that comes up quite often at I’m Just Thinkin’… if you guessed L-O-V-E you’re absolutely correct! Most of the players in the game of The Fruity 1 move on to Day 2.

Day 2: A seesaw is set up in an open area surrounded by rainforest (the rainforest has no purpose in this challenge other than this is a Survivor spoof!). Each contestant takes a turn balancing the seesaw, standing with one foot on each side of its pivot point. A barrel full of monkeys is brought out… big apes, representing hardships are placed on the left side of the seesaw, while small chimps, representing prosperity or good times, are placed on the right side. The test: can the Survivors balance “the seesaw of true J-O-Y” irregardless of how the monkeys stack up (i.e., their circumstances) ???

does 1 really want to be this fruity?

Day 3: Editorial Note: Three additional contestants bail out of the competition voluntarily at this point… it seems they have realized what the competition, and “the fruit of the Spirit” is actually all about, and have decided that they’re really not all that interested in it. Instead of wanting to follow Jesus, they would rather enjoy themselves here on earth, live in sin and roll the dice on whether this God thing is for real… i.e., they have opted for that which is seen instead of that which is unseen… and if they get to Heaven they’ll settle for living in a shack without air conditioning or screen windows… P-E-A-C-E be with you my friend!!

Day 4: Each 1 is lowered into a quicksand pit and pulled out just before the tip of their nose vanishes… as you may be aware, a survivor in quicksand will be the one who can remain still the longest, and thus the test for P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E… the Survivor with the shortest time on the clock is out of the running.

Day 5: The remaining contestants are each given Immunity – a hall pass today to continue on… because God shows us the ultimate example of K-I-N-D-N-E-S-S

steer clear of rogue narwhals

Day 6: The tribesmen are taken out on a Zodiac boat, and, miles from shore, a rogue narwhal shows up and punctures the Zodiac, sinking it. “Ok, now what? How can God possibly turn this situation out for our good?” some of the group members question. Others remember Romans 8:28: “For we know in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” And along come a group of dolphins, and the peeps are towed piggyback to shore. Oh My G-O-O-D-N-E-S-S

Day 7: After spending the day in the desert, Probst asks the contestants to follow him to Canaan, the land of milk and honey. However, a group of natives (i.e., “gossipy spies”) insight rebellion and try to talk the contestants out of it, suggesting that they can’t possibly overcome a formidable foe that lies ahead. (I know, this is SO Old Testament!) Do they follow??? And display F-A-I-T-H-F-U-L-N-E-S-S???

Day 8:  The competition gets rough as each contestant is taken to an open circle where they stand next to a pile of stones. In the center of the circle, a slitherly snake appears… the image of the evil one… no instruction is provided to the Survivors… what happens next?? One of them sends a stone sailing at the snake… a direct hit… and is eliminated from the game (you see, while it’s tempting to try to take out the devil, he really has no power over us that we can’t take on with God on our side – so we should always emulate G-E-N-T-L-E-N-E-S-S).

Day 9: The final test… though the game has ended, the real test has just begun for the winner, who now must do their best to live by The Word every day of their life-in-the-flesh to receive the sweet crib in Heaven. Will they have the S-E-L-F C-O-N-T-R-O-L to do it?

What do you think, would you ever consider Survivor? How about Wipe Out? Or maybe The Fruity 1?